My husband and I have been
married for 15 years and in all that time, he's
probably gone out with his friends about 10
times. Now, all of a sudden, he's out having
"play dates" with his buddies virtually
every weekend. His average has just spiked up
about 4,000%. What's up with that?
I've always known the value of friendship. Heck,
without my girlfriends, I'd probably be in the
nut house by now. Let's face it…we can't
talk to our husbands about the things that really
matter in life — a new bra that truly
does lift and separate, whether we should get
frivolous fawn or awesome amber highlights,
how hot Matthew McConaughey is, or how we're
going to hide the fact that we just spent our
weekly grocery money on a pair of shoes and
a purse.
So, I wonder, is my husband just realizing what
I've known all along about the importance of
camaraderie with people of the same sex, or
are these latest dalliances a way to escape
his wife and family?
When my husband first started planning these
outings, I thought it was cute. I mean, it's
nice to know your husband is well liked and
has friends. After all, his plans were pretty
innocent. He was just going biking, kayaking,
hiking, and doing other outdoorsy male bonding
stuff. I figured at least these were all healthy
activities compared to the days of old when
we were dating and he would go out with his
pals drinking and presumably scoping chicks
or to somebody's house to smoke cigars and play
poker.
So, back to my original question. Is my husband
suddenly going out with his friends just for
fun and to blow off steam, or is it because
he is trying to escape the reality of an aging
wife and two sons that think swinging from the
chandelier is a commonplace activity?
I'm starting to think I need to nip this thing
in the bud. Right now it's just a couple of
hours on a Saturday or Sunday, but soon he'll
want to attend the male equivalent of a Pampered
Chef or Mary Kay party where we sit around,
talk about our husbands, spend lots of money,
and drink buckets of wine. Of course, I’m
not exactly sure what the male equivalent would
be, but perhaps it would be a party where the
host is selling the latest in leather jackets
and Harley Davidsons and the guys are sitting
around drinking beer and, heaven forbid, talking
about the fact that their wife's idea of lingerie
is flannel jammies and her firm attractive body
that they once loved has finally met its match…gravity!
Oh no, this definitely isn't good.
And after that, he'll want to do what I do and
go away for a whole weekend with his friends
to a spa! No way am I going to let my husband
go somewhere where a female masseuse with long
flowing blonde hair and hands like silk are
at his ready to massage all of his manly body
parts. Not going to happen.
I definitely need to stop this impending train
wreck. There's simply no room in this marriage
for both of us to have friends. It wasn't long
ago that he was perfectly content mowing the
lawn, painting the house, and going to the town
dump for fun. I think it's high time he goes
back to enjoying these leisure activities. Yeah,
that's it. I'm putting my size nine, formerly
a dainty eight and a half pre-pregnancy, foot
down and laying down the law. From now on…no
friends.
"Honey," I begin, in my stern 'I wear
the pants in this family' voice, "We need
to talk."
"Yeah, I know. I've been meaning to tell
you something," he responds.
Hmmmm. Could he possibly be ready to tell me
that he thinks he's been spending too much time
with his friends and realizes he would much
rather be home spending time with his wife and
kids. Say it isn't so?
It isn't so. "Honey, the guys and I were
thinking about going to Las Vegas for a week
this fall to hit the casinos and stuff. Whadda
ya think?"
I'm doomed.
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